The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
