singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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