my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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