i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
