Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
