Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
