sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
