I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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