his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
