I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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