My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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