I look better un-naked...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
