put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
