I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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