My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
