Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize