Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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