3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
