I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
