I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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