can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We have started to decorate penises.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
