Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
