The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
