I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
