Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize