First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
