dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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