so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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