okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
