Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
