just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
