just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
