Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
