I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
