I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
