We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
