The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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