This is not my ceiling
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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