I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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