remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
