i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
