i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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