You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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