found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
