I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
