yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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