he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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