just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
