Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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