i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize