i love accidental penises.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have aggressive nipples.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
