I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
