my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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