went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize