Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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