hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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