dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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