Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
