You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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