you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
