if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
