I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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