Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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