There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize