Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She bit a glass in half.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
