I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize