I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
