i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
