life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
