All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
