Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize