What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
