Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
